Lack of coordination be damned, I loved DDR. Despite my feet stumbling over the mat, my love for Dance Dance Revolution reached beyond and because of it, my mp3 player was filled with the music. I loved driving around, accompanied by happy, peppy, uplifting music. Most was completely nonsensical. Much wasn’t even in English. It was the perfect background music and I had a habit of finding myself seat dancing to it at red lights – a super guilty pleasure of mine that few knew of.
However, I’d forgotten about it this afternoon. The only people I gave rides to were Theo and Drima and they were more than used to my less than conventional driving music and the accompanying bad dancing. As Chance let himself into the passenger side of my car, I thought nothing of it as I turned the ignition. It was about five seconds after the upbeat, computer-generated music possessed my body in a series of shimmying wiggles in my seat that I realized what I was doing. Freezing, I ceased my bouncy dancing, horribly aware of Chance’s eyes on me.
Ignoring the flush heating my face, I stared forward intently, lips pressed firmly together, and I put the car into drive. Resisting the music was difficult and my fingers yearned to drum the steering wheel but my face was burning and I couldn’t dance and I absolutely could not look at Chance and I was horrified and oh my god I had just danced around to DDR music in front of Chance!
I tried to ignore the sound of choking laughter. Mortified, my lips formed a firmer line.
More strangled giggles. A weird, chortling noise.
A snort.
“What?” I snapped, eyes still glued ahead, cheeks radiating more heat.
“That. Was. So. Cute!”
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Character Sketches [Backwards Compatibility]
Crickette French: Protagonistic, POV. Socially awkward, nearly anti-social graduate working at PWNd. Doesn’t know how to deal with people, doesn’t connect well with others. Isn’t entirely certain she’s happy any more with who she is and is willing to take a chance with unfamiliar people and living an unfamiliar life to her. Realizing she wants to change and try to open up, she readily befriends Chance and Karma, which effects her relationship with Drima. A game of “dares” shared between she and Chance opens both to new experiences and Chance helps Crickette to catch up on what she missed out on doing in high school.
Chance Folly: Love interest. In school, Chance hardly knew Crickette. A former soccer player who isn’t entirely certain of who he is. After landing a job at PWNd, he strikes up a friendship with Crickette and Karma and is the one to introduce Crickette to everything she missed out on. During the summer, his family is going through a lot of problems, and though he likes Crickette, he finds trouble engaging in anything serious with her, and often appears wishy washy. To pass the time, he spends much of his available time with Crickette and her friends and the two share a game of “dares”.
Karmen “Karma” Whitticker: Bold, vibrant, and loud, Karma stands out where Crickette likes to blend in. Unfortunately for Crickette, Karma doesn’t take no for an answer and she seems utterly taken by Crickette. With her bright pink streaks, her reckless disregard for the opinion of others and her complacency in life, she unsettles Crickette, and intrigues her all the same. Without meaning to, Karma drives between Crickette and Drima, ultimately making Crickette start to reevaluate her relationships and where she stands in life.
Adrima “Drima” Edge: Long-time best friend of Crickette, Drima is pushy, wheedling, dramatic, whiney, but endearing to Crickette. She’s used to being the leader of their trio with Theo and often gets her way. When Karma shows up, Drima is threatened. Afraid Crickette will leave her, she tries to reign Criekette in closer, going as far as to offer an ultimatum which doesn’t end in a desirable note. Has control issues, low self-esteem. Guilt tripper.
Theodore “Theo” : Crickette’s first friend, Theo was the Knight in Shining Armor to her third grade jungle gym stunt. He’s been there for her every time she’s needed and even though she doesn’t always convey emotion very well, he does his best to help her out. A neutral player in the drama erupting in Crickette’s life, he just wants his friends to be happy. As a passive person, this works out for Theo, but only for so long. Even he has to make a choice, and he has to admit, he’s rather enraptured with bold, quirky Karma.
Tanner Sullivan: While Chance’s family goes into crisis mode, his cousin Tanner comes to stay with them with his aunt. Instantly pulled into the niche of the world created by Crickette and Chance. He is rather abrasive, a bit pretentious, and reminds Crickette of the inside of her mind. Offers her an awakening and helps to drive Chance to Crickette. Tanner has a superiority complex, like Crickette, thus struggles to connect with people. Like many, he is easily charmed by Karma, so while he’s initially unwanted by the group, he winds up spending a lot of his time with them.
Serenity Folly: The older sister to Chance, Serenity is the opposite of her name. Impulsive, open, and bossy, she likes Crickette at once, because she reminds her of her former self. Serenity helps Crickette to look at the world differently, to stop judging everyone and most importantly, to just be herself. She also tells Crickette to offer Chance the chance (hehehe pun) that he’s too afraid to take.
Bianca French: Crickette and her mother do not easily get along. Living a delusional life of grandeur illusions, Bianca has always wanted to live up to be something more. She’s a middle-class woman living the life of a wanna-be-socialite. She cares greatly about what other people think and urges others to, as well. With a nasty spending habit, her favorite hobby is keeping up with the Jones. Bianca is far more superficial than the rest of the family and butts heads with her tomboy-ish daughter. Though she doesn’t admit it, it is obvious Bianca always wished her daughter would have turned out a bit more feminine. Their tense relationship provides a faulty foundation for Crickette.
Geoffrey French: It is sometimes wondered how Bianca and Geoffrey married, when she so obviously seems destined for something more than the accountant he is. Goofy and soft-hearted, he is the parent Crickette gets along with best. He is often making jokes where Bianca finds inappropriate and is much more lax with his only daughter. Often, he tries to convince Bianca to lay off and to try to stop pushing her ideas on Crickette. While Bianca works from home most of the time, Geoffrey spends much of his time in an office. Now that Crickette is an adult and finally having a larger social life, he is often helping her sneak by her mother or covering up for her.
Lewis [needs last name]: (28) Owner and night manager of PWNd. Gangly, lanky. Curly brillopad hair. Glasses. Tall. Laid-back, he’s almost too chill about things, but knows when to be serious. Prefers to have fun and to create a comfortable work environment. While he’s perceptive, he sometime forgets to take things into consideration and easily embarrasses Crickette with little effort. Much like an older brother to her.
Charlie [needs last name]: (32) Best friend to Lewis, Charlie is the other main manager, works mostly during the day. Large, round man, balding. He’s very friendly, easy to get along with, and very chatty, but he can also be very anal retentive and has a certain way he likes things to be done. Very silly and goofy, though, described by Crickette as “the silly uncle you look forward to seeing.”
Veronica “Roni” [needs last name]: (27) The final head manager. Initially intimidating, Roni at first comes across as scene, or maybe goth, with her dark, choppy hair, her dark make-up, her often dark clothes, the dragon tattoo crossing from shoulder to shoulder, her face piercings (two lip studs, nose ring, eyebrow pierced, and pierced up ears). Even when you get to know her, she’s at first intimidating, especially if you type-cast her. Brusque, rash, blunt, completely honest, and with a mouth that would make a sailor blush, Roni holds nothing back and gives it to you straight. She’ll argue you into submission, is highly charismatic, and has the intelligence to back up everything she says. With a love for video games (duh), gorey movies, zombies, anime, and a steel stomach, she’s not exactly what one would expect, especially when she shows her feminine side or starts to gush like your typical girly girl. A great person to get advice from, because she’ll tell it to you straight. Very much like the older sister Crickette always wanted.
Brody [needs last name]: (22) A senior in college on the fast track to a five-year-Masters, Brody was Crickette’s first (and until recently, only) crush. Charming but geeky in a way that works well together, he has a smooth way of talking with his nose in a book or his thumbs mashing on a controller. Glasses, curly blonde hair, dark-puppy eyes and an admirable brain, he has easily become a great PWNd companion to Crickette.
Spencer [needs last name]: (21) Indie-boy Spencer loves music you’ve never heard of, movies that don’t make it to the big-screen and shooting up zombies. He’s quiet and more reserved than many of the other employees and for this reason, Crickette doesn’t know him well. His sense of humor is different from most peoples’ and what you find funny, he probably wouldn’t. Don’t try a Your Momma joke on him. Typically, he doesn’t spend a lot of time with the rest of the staff, simply because he never feels he belongs, but no one else knows that.
Tony [needs last name]: (25) Roni’s current squeeze is Tony, whom she has been with for the past three years now. He’s one of the shorter staffers with a keen love for photography and, like everyone else, video games. Like most of the staff, Tony is easy to get along with but has occasional anger outbursts. Also loves football (and most sports) and likes to play rugby.
Pamona Shore: (23) A former employee of PWNd, it is because of her leave that Chance was hired. With a very pregnant belly, she has left the video game store. Somewhat uptight, Pamona has to be in control of everything and makes lists all the time. Often, she takes on too much and struggles to make it all work, but she refuses to give in. Because of this, she’s always overworking herself, stressing to the point of breaking. However, she most likely will refuse your offers of help.
Chance Folly: Love interest. In school, Chance hardly knew Crickette. A former soccer player who isn’t entirely certain of who he is. After landing a job at PWNd, he strikes up a friendship with Crickette and Karma and is the one to introduce Crickette to everything she missed out on. During the summer, his family is going through a lot of problems, and though he likes Crickette, he finds trouble engaging in anything serious with her, and often appears wishy washy. To pass the time, he spends much of his available time with Crickette and her friends and the two share a game of “dares”.
Karmen “Karma” Whitticker: Bold, vibrant, and loud, Karma stands out where Crickette likes to blend in. Unfortunately for Crickette, Karma doesn’t take no for an answer and she seems utterly taken by Crickette. With her bright pink streaks, her reckless disregard for the opinion of others and her complacency in life, she unsettles Crickette, and intrigues her all the same. Without meaning to, Karma drives between Crickette and Drima, ultimately making Crickette start to reevaluate her relationships and where she stands in life.
Adrima “Drima” Edge: Long-time best friend of Crickette, Drima is pushy, wheedling, dramatic, whiney, but endearing to Crickette. She’s used to being the leader of their trio with Theo and often gets her way. When Karma shows up, Drima is threatened. Afraid Crickette will leave her, she tries to reign Criekette in closer, going as far as to offer an ultimatum which doesn’t end in a desirable note. Has control issues, low self-esteem. Guilt tripper.
Theodore “Theo” : Crickette’s first friend, Theo was the Knight in Shining Armor to her third grade jungle gym stunt. He’s been there for her every time she’s needed and even though she doesn’t always convey emotion very well, he does his best to help her out. A neutral player in the drama erupting in Crickette’s life, he just wants his friends to be happy. As a passive person, this works out for Theo, but only for so long. Even he has to make a choice, and he has to admit, he’s rather enraptured with bold, quirky Karma.
Tanner Sullivan: While Chance’s family goes into crisis mode, his cousin Tanner comes to stay with them with his aunt. Instantly pulled into the niche of the world created by Crickette and Chance. He is rather abrasive, a bit pretentious, and reminds Crickette of the inside of her mind. Offers her an awakening and helps to drive Chance to Crickette. Tanner has a superiority complex, like Crickette, thus struggles to connect with people. Like many, he is easily charmed by Karma, so while he’s initially unwanted by the group, he winds up spending a lot of his time with them.
Serenity Folly: The older sister to Chance, Serenity is the opposite of her name. Impulsive, open, and bossy, she likes Crickette at once, because she reminds her of her former self. Serenity helps Crickette to look at the world differently, to stop judging everyone and most importantly, to just be herself. She also tells Crickette to offer Chance the chance (hehehe pun) that he’s too afraid to take.
Bianca French: Crickette and her mother do not easily get along. Living a delusional life of grandeur illusions, Bianca has always wanted to live up to be something more. She’s a middle-class woman living the life of a wanna-be-socialite. She cares greatly about what other people think and urges others to, as well. With a nasty spending habit, her favorite hobby is keeping up with the Jones. Bianca is far more superficial than the rest of the family and butts heads with her tomboy-ish daughter. Though she doesn’t admit it, it is obvious Bianca always wished her daughter would have turned out a bit more feminine. Their tense relationship provides a faulty foundation for Crickette.
Geoffrey French: It is sometimes wondered how Bianca and Geoffrey married, when she so obviously seems destined for something more than the accountant he is. Goofy and soft-hearted, he is the parent Crickette gets along with best. He is often making jokes where Bianca finds inappropriate and is much more lax with his only daughter. Often, he tries to convince Bianca to lay off and to try to stop pushing her ideas on Crickette. While Bianca works from home most of the time, Geoffrey spends much of his time in an office. Now that Crickette is an adult and finally having a larger social life, he is often helping her sneak by her mother or covering up for her.
Lewis [needs last name]: (28) Owner and night manager of PWNd. Gangly, lanky. Curly brillopad hair. Glasses. Tall. Laid-back, he’s almost too chill about things, but knows when to be serious. Prefers to have fun and to create a comfortable work environment. While he’s perceptive, he sometime forgets to take things into consideration and easily embarrasses Crickette with little effort. Much like an older brother to her.
Charlie [needs last name]: (32) Best friend to Lewis, Charlie is the other main manager, works mostly during the day. Large, round man, balding. He’s very friendly, easy to get along with, and very chatty, but he can also be very anal retentive and has a certain way he likes things to be done. Very silly and goofy, though, described by Crickette as “the silly uncle you look forward to seeing.”
Veronica “Roni” [needs last name]: (27) The final head manager. Initially intimidating, Roni at first comes across as scene, or maybe goth, with her dark, choppy hair, her dark make-up, her often dark clothes, the dragon tattoo crossing from shoulder to shoulder, her face piercings (two lip studs, nose ring, eyebrow pierced, and pierced up ears). Even when you get to know her, she’s at first intimidating, especially if you type-cast her. Brusque, rash, blunt, completely honest, and with a mouth that would make a sailor blush, Roni holds nothing back and gives it to you straight. She’ll argue you into submission, is highly charismatic, and has the intelligence to back up everything she says. With a love for video games (duh), gorey movies, zombies, anime, and a steel stomach, she’s not exactly what one would expect, especially when she shows her feminine side or starts to gush like your typical girly girl. A great person to get advice from, because she’ll tell it to you straight. Very much like the older sister Crickette always wanted.
Brody [needs last name]: (22) A senior in college on the fast track to a five-year-Masters, Brody was Crickette’s first (and until recently, only) crush. Charming but geeky in a way that works well together, he has a smooth way of talking with his nose in a book or his thumbs mashing on a controller. Glasses, curly blonde hair, dark-puppy eyes and an admirable brain, he has easily become a great PWNd companion to Crickette.
Spencer [needs last name]: (21) Indie-boy Spencer loves music you’ve never heard of, movies that don’t make it to the big-screen and shooting up zombies. He’s quiet and more reserved than many of the other employees and for this reason, Crickette doesn’t know him well. His sense of humor is different from most peoples’ and what you find funny, he probably wouldn’t. Don’t try a Your Momma joke on him. Typically, he doesn’t spend a lot of time with the rest of the staff, simply because he never feels he belongs, but no one else knows that.
Tony [needs last name]: (25) Roni’s current squeeze is Tony, whom she has been with for the past three years now. He’s one of the shorter staffers with a keen love for photography and, like everyone else, video games. Like most of the staff, Tony is easy to get along with but has occasional anger outbursts. Also loves football (and most sports) and likes to play rugby.
Pamona Shore: (23) A former employee of PWNd, it is because of her leave that Chance was hired. With a very pregnant belly, she has left the video game store. Somewhat uptight, Pamona has to be in control of everything and makes lists all the time. Often, she takes on too much and struggles to make it all work, but she refuses to give in. Because of this, she’s always overworking herself, stressing to the point of breaking. However, she most likely will refuse your offers of help.
Thursday, August 5, 2010
I Throw My Hands Up in the Air Sometimes
I remember once reading a journal entry my friend Anila wrote, about guilt pleasures and why we even call them such. One of the points she noted was that by calling something our guilty pleasure, we were, essentially, labeling ourselves ashamed of liking something. Music is a really prime example for guilty pleasures, though movies and television and reading often find themselves labeled as such. Lately, at work, I’ve found myself contemplating this matter, and always returning to Anila’s thoughts of the matter in my head.
My co-worker likes the Top 40 station. I’m not typically a huge radio fan, as it’s inevitable you’ll hear the same stuff repeated throughout the day. Radio plays what the people want because if you don’t, they’ll find something else. Recently, I’d taken to the local “hard rock” station (a label laughable as half of what they play could hardly be considered hard, but I digress upon that matter), but my co-worker favors the Top 40 station and when he comes into the back to take of his job, he’ll change the station to that.
At first, this annoyed me. I was back here first, I changed the station, I staked my claim! Mostly, I was just antagonistic about the matter because I had declared disdain for the Top 40 station. And I must point out, in this entry, I will not take back this assertion for I’ve not recently fallen in love out of nowhere with the station. I still find it to be annoyingly repetitious and this is what most grates me about it. But I have to admit that I cannot say I hate everything on the station, like I have for so long.
Recently, I’d begun to contemplate a few of my own “guilty pleasures”. More and more, I found some of the songs lingering in my head increasingly more and more catchy, to the point where I was beginning to enjoy hearing them. Yes, Enrique Igelsias, I’m talking about you. At first, I was ashamed of myself. “My music” tends to be oldies, rock, punk, power-pop, power-punk, adult contemporary, etc. Certainly, songs by bands I like would wind up on a top-40 station, but my scorn was directed more to the rap, the hip-hop, whatever you’d want to call all of that.
But there I was, throwing my hands in the air with my co-worker as Taio Cruz says AYO! Gotta let go! And I didn’t bother to hide it or fight it. Fergie blasted through my consciousness and I swallowed the urge to change the station. Katy Perry rasped through my mind and I sang along. Even Ke$ha, for all her terrible singing, played on and on in my mind, though this one very much to my chagrin.
And as I recalled Anila’s statement on guilty pleasures, I had to pause to contemplate: why was I so ashamed? Just because Enrique wasn’t a part of my daily course of listening didn’t mean I shouldn’t listen to him, especially if his song made me want to dance around and sing at the top of my lungs. Is it the best thing in the world I’ve ever heard? Hardly. But that’s the beauty of music. It’s not always about a fantastic song but what moves you, what you feel.
On InkPop one night, in the Insomniacs thread, music was a topic discussion. I remember Megan talking about her favorite music – stuff more obscure to me and my limited music knowledge, though I recognized artist names. This boy tried to say that he didn’t know any of her music and told us that his favorite artist was Lady Gaga, continuing on that most people don’t really listen to the lyrics of the music they love and he tried to claim we only listen to music for background noise, etc. etc. Essentially, he tried to state we don’t understand the music we like and we like it because we think we’re supposed to like it.
I remember I “got into it” with him (and I use this phrase loosely as I tried to come off mature and not as if I was trying to pick a fight – because I wasn’t) about how people like the music FOR a reason. They like the instrumentals, the lyrics, the voice singing it, the message, etc. He seemed to think we only liked music for a superficial reason and, even if that IS a reason, at least they’re listening to what they like, right?
For the record, no, I still do not care for Lady Gaga. I still find that she seems overly hyped than what she really is, that her “feministic ideal” is still skewed. Embracing your sexuality as a female does not count as being a strong feminist. Regardless, I’ll go ahead and take Enrique Igelesias off my “guilty pleasure” list and just embrace and admit my like for his song. Because, I, too, Enrique, “Like It”.
If it makes work all the more bearable, why not?
So, those who still lurk this blog. What are some of YOUR “guilty pleasures”, and why do you consider them such?
- Lady Ashlie
My co-worker likes the Top 40 station. I’m not typically a huge radio fan, as it’s inevitable you’ll hear the same stuff repeated throughout the day. Radio plays what the people want because if you don’t, they’ll find something else. Recently, I’d taken to the local “hard rock” station (a label laughable as half of what they play could hardly be considered hard, but I digress upon that matter), but my co-worker favors the Top 40 station and when he comes into the back to take of his job, he’ll change the station to that.
At first, this annoyed me. I was back here first, I changed the station, I staked my claim! Mostly, I was just antagonistic about the matter because I had declared disdain for the Top 40 station. And I must point out, in this entry, I will not take back this assertion for I’ve not recently fallen in love out of nowhere with the station. I still find it to be annoyingly repetitious and this is what most grates me about it. But I have to admit that I cannot say I hate everything on the station, like I have for so long.
Recently, I’d begun to contemplate a few of my own “guilty pleasures”. More and more, I found some of the songs lingering in my head increasingly more and more catchy, to the point where I was beginning to enjoy hearing them. Yes, Enrique Igelsias, I’m talking about you. At first, I was ashamed of myself. “My music” tends to be oldies, rock, punk, power-pop, power-punk, adult contemporary, etc. Certainly, songs by bands I like would wind up on a top-40 station, but my scorn was directed more to the rap, the hip-hop, whatever you’d want to call all of that.
But there I was, throwing my hands in the air with my co-worker as Taio Cruz says AYO! Gotta let go! And I didn’t bother to hide it or fight it. Fergie blasted through my consciousness and I swallowed the urge to change the station. Katy Perry rasped through my mind and I sang along. Even Ke$ha, for all her terrible singing, played on and on in my mind, though this one very much to my chagrin.
And as I recalled Anila’s statement on guilty pleasures, I had to pause to contemplate: why was I so ashamed? Just because Enrique wasn’t a part of my daily course of listening didn’t mean I shouldn’t listen to him, especially if his song made me want to dance around and sing at the top of my lungs. Is it the best thing in the world I’ve ever heard? Hardly. But that’s the beauty of music. It’s not always about a fantastic song but what moves you, what you feel.
On InkPop one night, in the Insomniacs thread, music was a topic discussion. I remember Megan talking about her favorite music – stuff more obscure to me and my limited music knowledge, though I recognized artist names. This boy tried to say that he didn’t know any of her music and told us that his favorite artist was Lady Gaga, continuing on that most people don’t really listen to the lyrics of the music they love and he tried to claim we only listen to music for background noise, etc. etc. Essentially, he tried to state we don’t understand the music we like and we like it because we think we’re supposed to like it.
I remember I “got into it” with him (and I use this phrase loosely as I tried to come off mature and not as if I was trying to pick a fight – because I wasn’t) about how people like the music FOR a reason. They like the instrumentals, the lyrics, the voice singing it, the message, etc. He seemed to think we only liked music for a superficial reason and, even if that IS a reason, at least they’re listening to what they like, right?
For the record, no, I still do not care for Lady Gaga. I still find that she seems overly hyped than what she really is, that her “feministic ideal” is still skewed. Embracing your sexuality as a female does not count as being a strong feminist. Regardless, I’ll go ahead and take Enrique Igelesias off my “guilty pleasure” list and just embrace and admit my like for his song. Because, I, too, Enrique, “Like It”.
If it makes work all the more bearable, why not?
So, those who still lurk this blog. What are some of YOUR “guilty pleasures”, and why do you consider them such?
- Lady Ashlie
Saturday, July 31, 2010
Continuing Ramblings of a Rising Dawn
I’m not much of a television person, and I cannot give you a reason why. Growing up, my mother never watched what everyone else did and, never having had a television of my own until I was much older, I suppose this was a strong foundation. Instead, I opted for reading and writing. Angie is a television fiend – I have no idea how she keeps up with everything she does. And, in being surrounded by television people, I’ve picked up a few shows. And, just for my own amusement, I figured a list of what I DO watch/have watched is harmless.
Plus, it’s 5:46 a.m. and I’ve been awake all night with a head still buzzing with ideas and thoughts and nothing in particular.
If I look out my window, peek up under the blinds, I can see a dim glow of daylight just beyond the trees and house across the street. It’s not so much gold as just a dim glow of daylight – almost dusty.
Television and Ashlie of 2010
The Big Bang Theory
How I Met Your Mother
Two and a Half Men
Accidentally on Purpose
Supernatural
The Vampire Diaries
Dexter
Merlin
Dead Like Me
…I honestly think this might be the entire list, save for whatever I find on The-N or Nick at Nite for background noise. And even then, I’m hardly keeping up with any of it, as I wind up, like I am now, playing my music with a pair of headphones over whatever happens to be on the screen – at the moment, it’s Full House. When did The-N even start playing Full House…?
Clearly, I am not a television person.
- Lady Ashlie
Plus, it’s 5:46 a.m. and I’ve been awake all night with a head still buzzing with ideas and thoughts and nothing in particular.
If I look out my window, peek up under the blinds, I can see a dim glow of daylight just beyond the trees and house across the street. It’s not so much gold as just a dim glow of daylight – almost dusty.
Television and Ashlie of 2010
The Big Bang Theory
How I Met Your Mother
Two and a Half Men
Accidentally on Purpose
Supernatural
The Vampire Diaries
Dexter
Merlin
Dead Like Me
…I honestly think this might be the entire list, save for whatever I find on The-N or Nick at Nite for background noise. And even then, I’m hardly keeping up with any of it, as I wind up, like I am now, playing my music with a pair of headphones over whatever happens to be on the screen – at the moment, it’s Full House. When did The-N even start playing Full House…?
Clearly, I am not a television person.
- Lady Ashlie
Another 5 a.m. Night
I haven’t done anything with this blog in ages and I honest to God have no real reason – it’s not a lack of ideas, because trust that I spend my pointless days doing nothing but thinking and musing over ideas. Unfortunately, I find myself in phases where I’m without motivation. Unfortunately, I seem to have a bad relationship with my only true passion. I write when the motivation comes to me and sometimes I can go weeks, months without producing anything. Blogs/journals are the hardest for me to keep, because I tell myself I can put it off until later and soon it becomes too far later and ideas and thoughts and memories and moments are gone – lost, fleeting.
It’s no wonder I’ve never finished a novel. Beyond the clear and silly fact that I am afraid to finish one (a fear which is absolutely asinine and I am working hard on overcoming), I find I hit these stretches and then, as if I’m sprinting, I become winded and have to slow and take care of that stitch in my side. Ugh. The worst part is when I have everything planned out and I know where I want to go and how I want to get there and write out but the head to pen/keys just falters.
Just the other day I discussed this with Regina; it’s a perfectionism aspect, I fear, in which I don’t want to write it out and have it come out badly and later have to edit and refine it. I want it right the first time! Facing a chapter which intimidates me is a strong put off, because I don’t want to write something and have it be awful. I just… I can’t. I don’t like it. And obviously, this is something I need to work on. As a writer, I recognize everything needs to be refined and edited and can go through numerous drafts. At the same time, as perfectionist of writing, I don’t want it to be awful the first time. :/
By the end of 2010, though, I WILL have finished False Awakening. Maybe I’ll even write those last four chapters of Guardians, too. Because, dammit, I need to complete these! I cannot just let them sit there, on my harddrive, waiting. :/ The ideas float in my head and the characters come back to me and I miss them. I really do! At work, I’ll muse about Georgie and Dempsey or think of Annie and Ellie and I get these URGES to write. Most unfortunately, I find I have the most ideas, the most desire, the most motivation for writing, when I’m at work. And obviously, I cannot do anything about that. Ugh.
No matter, I WILL find my motivation and I will return to False Awakening and Guardians and I’ll rewrite Backwards Compatibility. I’ve contemplated this short story idea I have and fleshing into a novel. In the act I do that, I’ll have to get in touch with my Writing Buddies and see if we can brainstorm it into something more – it could be fun; I’m already fond of the character of Maverick. This is the worst part of it all – there’s all these other ideas in my head I’ve already come up with ideas for, stashed away on the backburner. And I can’t get to them if I don’t finish what I already have and then I have all these characters in my head! So many characters in my head, all begging to have a voice, for a fleshed out story.
On the bright side – at least I HAVE ideas. I remember years in which I never came up with anything or formed it into anything more. And I would much rather have too many ideas than not enough. An arsenal of ideas and big enough dreams will get me where I need to be. :]
- Lady Ashlie
It’s no wonder I’ve never finished a novel. Beyond the clear and silly fact that I am afraid to finish one (a fear which is absolutely asinine and I am working hard on overcoming), I find I hit these stretches and then, as if I’m sprinting, I become winded and have to slow and take care of that stitch in my side. Ugh. The worst part is when I have everything planned out and I know where I want to go and how I want to get there and write out but the head to pen/keys just falters.
Just the other day I discussed this with Regina; it’s a perfectionism aspect, I fear, in which I don’t want to write it out and have it come out badly and later have to edit and refine it. I want it right the first time! Facing a chapter which intimidates me is a strong put off, because I don’t want to write something and have it be awful. I just… I can’t. I don’t like it. And obviously, this is something I need to work on. As a writer, I recognize everything needs to be refined and edited and can go through numerous drafts. At the same time, as perfectionist of writing, I don’t want it to be awful the first time. :/
By the end of 2010, though, I WILL have finished False Awakening. Maybe I’ll even write those last four chapters of Guardians, too. Because, dammit, I need to complete these! I cannot just let them sit there, on my harddrive, waiting. :/ The ideas float in my head and the characters come back to me and I miss them. I really do! At work, I’ll muse about Georgie and Dempsey or think of Annie and Ellie and I get these URGES to write. Most unfortunately, I find I have the most ideas, the most desire, the most motivation for writing, when I’m at work. And obviously, I cannot do anything about that. Ugh.
No matter, I WILL find my motivation and I will return to False Awakening and Guardians and I’ll rewrite Backwards Compatibility. I’ve contemplated this short story idea I have and fleshing into a novel. In the act I do that, I’ll have to get in touch with my Writing Buddies and see if we can brainstorm it into something more – it could be fun; I’m already fond of the character of Maverick. This is the worst part of it all – there’s all these other ideas in my head I’ve already come up with ideas for, stashed away on the backburner. And I can’t get to them if I don’t finish what I already have and then I have all these characters in my head! So many characters in my head, all begging to have a voice, for a fleshed out story.
On the bright side – at least I HAVE ideas. I remember years in which I never came up with anything or formed it into anything more. And I would much rather have too many ideas than not enough. An arsenal of ideas and big enough dreams will get me where I need to be. :]
- Lady Ashlie
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